Swan Tower

10:28 am - to the tune of Do-Re-Mi

Cut on account of (minor) spoilers for Star Wars: The Force Awakens.

( Read the rest of this entry »Collapse )

Originally published at Swan Tower. You can comment here or there.

05:30 pm - The #3Things story

Earlier today, I posted the #3Things story to Twitter. Here, in its random glory, is the whole thing:

Buffeted by storm winds, the little lost hummingbird whirled and spun through the air, incapable of even falling. #3Things (1/14)

Her ordeal ended when the winds blew her into a screen of leaves. There she stayed until the storm ended & she fell down. #3Things (2/14)

Where am I? she thought (but did not say — hummingbird tongues are not good for speaking with). #3Things (3/14)

“Why, you are on an aspidochelone.” #3Things (4/14)

The hummingbird looked around to see who had spoken. She saw nothing except a lethal-looking spiky thing on the ground. #3Things (5/14)

“Yes,” I spoke,” the object said. It communicated by means of a revoltingly strong, nauseating odor. #3Things (6/14)

What’s that? the hummingbird wondered. She didn’t know whether hummingbirds could vomit, but she thought she might find out #3Things (7/14)

“I am a durian — the King of Fruits,” the spiky thing said proudly, emitting a wave of raw-sewage smell. #3Things (8/14)

The hummingbird wished desperately for some nectar to clear her palate and wondered what an aspidochelone was. #3Things (9/14)

“It’s a huge creature mistaken for an island because of vegetation,” the durian said. (It had looked this up on Wikipedia.) #3Things (10/14)

“You’ll never return to your eggs or your favorite flower. The aspidochelone is swimming out to sea with us atop its back.” #3Things (11/14)

The hummingbird leapt into the air, desperate to fly home before it was too late, but the durian shot her with its spikes. #3Things (12/14)

These were tipped with sleeping poison, and so the hummingbird fell to the ground once more, dazed and weak. #3Things (13/14)

“I may be the King of Fruits,” the durian said, “but I am a mere servant of this island, and its flowers need pollination.” #3Things (14/14)

***

Many thanks to @lrushlau for the hummingbird, @KarenMuses for the aspidochelone, and @charlesatan for the sentient durian! #3Things

Originally published at Swan Tower. You can comment here or there.

12:33 pm - name #3Things — get a silly story

Despite not being the world’s best Twitter user, I have managed to reach the milestone of a thousand followers. In celebration, I have decided to play a game!

The rules are simple:

1) You name a person, place, or thing (over on Twitter, if you can — I’m @swan_tower)

2) I choose three things from among those suggestions

3) I write a flash story about those things and post it, in its entirety, on Twitter.

Note that nowhere in here do I say your suggestions must be sensible, nor do I promise a sensible story in return.

Go forth and tweet ridiculous things at me!

Originally published at Swan Tower. You can comment here or there.

12:04 pm - a matter of sociological curiosity

12:46 pm - New Releases from Book View Cafe

• The Noro Diet, by Brick Crapper, M.D. -- "The organic way to slim - no chemicals, only noroviruses!"
  
• How POSSESSION Can Help You LOSE Weight</i>, by Brick Crapper, M.D. -- "I lost so much weight I could actually float above my bed!"
  
• #1 With a Bullet: The Writer's Guide to REALLY Aggressive Marketing, by Faux Muldaur -- "Put down the keyboard. Forget about making nice with the press. Like your second grade teacher always said: Bad attention is always better than no attention."
  
• Novel: A Novel, by Mirkwood Jones -- "I wept. I cried. I threw Proust and James and Woolf out into the street under a passing cement mixer, and put Jones in the place of honor."
  
• The Interesting Professional's Family Member, by Nemo McBlanderson -- "An evocative tour de force from the critically acclaimed author of Something: A Novel, The Interesting Professional’s Family Member is a compelling meditation upon fundamental human truths."
  
• Randy, by Anita Mann -- "He came for all the ladies in Sheboygan!"
  

08:54 pm - All hail Chronos!

One of the things HRSFA did when I was in college -- and still does now -- was celebrate the Coming of the Hour (in the fall) and the Going of the Hour (in the spring), when the god Chronos, in his benevolence and cruelty, bestows or takes an hour away from us poor mortals. The ceremony lasted for one hour, from 2 a.m. until 2 a.m. (fall) or from 2 a.m. until 4 a.m. (spring), and most definitely did not end with us burning a cardboard clock in Harvard Yard. Because there is no open flame in the Yard. <nods>

Anyway, I must have been a good girl this year, because Chronos is bestowing the gift of the hour upon me twice. Poland switched their clocks last weekend, and the U.S. is doing it this upcoming weekend.

All hail Chronos, whose generosity I rather desperately need these days. (Now if you'll pardon me, I'm going to go contemplate passing out, in the hopes that I can kill this cold with sleep.)

11:25 pm - Are my characters insane?

Okay, this is totally random, inspired by rachelmanija exercising her fledgling therapist muscles by diagnosing random fictional characters according to DSM-IV criteria.

Which, if any, of my characters have diagnosable psychological disorders?

I honestly don't know; IANA psychiatrist, therapist, or anything else of the sort. The closest I've come is marrying a guy with an undergrad degree in psychology. But Miryo, Mirage, or Eclipse; Lune, Invidiana, Deven, Antony, Jack, Galen, Irrith, Eliza, Dead Rick -- okay, that last one I'm sure has at least one certifiable issue, possibly more. Short story characters are also fair game, if any of those have been memorable enough for you. Hell, if you've played in a game with me, you can take a crack at my PCs, too. (No fair diagnosing Sagara with gender identity disorder. That one's too easy.)

I suspect most of my protagonists, if not side characters, are too stable to really display anything DSM-worthy. But it amuses me to ask. :-)

11:40 pm - A Special Report

I've been told I have to repost this from kniedzw's journal. Apparently the logic is is "so your readers will know how crazy you are," but you guys already know that, right? Right. So we don't need evidence, and we can just move on.

. . . <sigh> No. I know teleidoplex. She'll come after me if I don't follow through. Very well, then, I give you a bit of domestic silliness.

***

Date: Fri, 8 Apr 2011 19:37:27 -0400 (EDT)
From: swan_tower
To: kniedzw
Subject: ( A Special Report from the Castle N Laundry CommissionCollapse )

Two disclaimers: first, I never took a statistics class, and second, I take no responsibility for any negative consequences that may arise from others applying similar methodology to their own spouses. Use at your own risk.

01:54 am - tonight's random thought

I want to get a dog -- a golden retriever, ideally; or a yellow lab would do -- and name her Ramoth.

Then I want to get a kitten, and name her Lessa.

And then I want to teach the kitten to ride around on the back of the dog.

(Time-traveling capability a bonus, but not required.)

12:58 am - probably not so funny for the guys

From McSweeney's, How to Put on a Sports Bra.

Oh god it's so true.